I guess it's happy?

and new?

You are exactly where you need to be. This is the perfect day to start your life again. - The Pivot Year by Brianna Wiest

For someone who loves Christmas, I am such a New Years Eve curmudgeon. I’ve just never seen the point. To celebrate Tuesday becoming Wednesday? Literally who gives a shit?

Everyone is shocked I’m working today and I shocked by their shocked-ness. I think it comes down to I’ve worked in 24/7 facilities for the past few years so holidays are just days of the week. But it’s almost like I have a hate relationship with New Years. I simply don’t care. I despise waking up to all the texts wishing me a Happy New Years. Like why? What is so special?

Today I woke up feeling hungover despite not drinking. So tired that it hurts to open my eyes. Peed and pooped, turned off my bedroom lights, and crawled back into bed. I considered showering last night - to go into the new year nice and fresh? but like it’s just a Tuesday. I’m unsure why I have this attitude but it’s always persisted.

I think I always thought that New Years Eve was supposed to have a magic to it and it never did. I never had a midnight kiss until last year and I remember thinking, ugh I’d rather be sleeping. I do not need to see Anderson Cooper and racist Andy Cohen get drunk.

I’ve been trying to figure out my intentions for the New Year and I’m like oh my god, I’m just like the rest of you people with your new years resolutions. But here I am.

If my word of the year for 2024 was grace. My word(s) of the year for 2025 is (are) intention, focus, growth. I’m tired of laying around doing nothing (someone talk to me in two weeks and see how much I want to lay down again).

Where am I going though? That’s been the hardest question of all to answer. Yes, I want to write more but what’s the goal? Yes, I want to create a space for women to talk, share connect but for why? Yes, I want to return to running and beat my past times but where am I speeding off to?

Do we sometimes just do things to live? To remind ourselves that our cuts do indeed bleed? Does there have to be a goal post to reach? Or is the point to feel alive?